In a crisis, confusion often reigns. What do I do? Where do I turn? How am I ever going to handle this? One of the best ways to sort things out is to look at the situation and determine what is controllable (by you) and what isn’t. In a challenging situation, that needs to be sorted out. For example,
Dave’s crisis came when he was laid off from his job at IBM after 22 years. We tried to get a clear idea of what was controllable: updating his resume, searching for comparable job openings on the Internet, posting his resume to relevant sites on the Internet, getting a letter of reference from his former supervisor, developing a family budget for the next 12 months, applying for unemployment compensation, getting additional training in web site development, etc . . . The goal of actually getting a new job (getting hired) was not controllable. But he could move forward and do what was within his power to do.
Sorting out the controllable and uncontrollable helps us get clarity on where to put our efforts. It can help us realize that we are unlikely to change the behavior of others no matter how hard we push, persuade and manipulate. We often can’t control the outcome of our efforts or the timing of when, and how, people respond to us.
When there’s been a fire or a flood, eventually you go back to your house and you begin sorting through your belongings. Some things can be salvaged. Many things have to be thrown away. Many of us saw such images in the aftermath of the tsunami in Japan. Or after tornadoes, hurricanes and forest fires destroyed peoples’ homes.
The process of sorting through our possessions is heartbreaking. But it has to be done. In the same way, we have to sort out what is controllable, and what is beyond our control. This is the antidote to confusion and despair. It points us towards two healthy paths: what action we can actually take, and what we have to accept.
Every crisis tests our faith – our willingness to trust that life will unfold the way it needs to unfold. The crisis brings us face to face with the limits of our power to control the world in which we live. Ultimately our personal destiny and the destiny of friends, family, even the planet, is outside our control. Yet it is still important to do what we can do, for our ability to shape the future will never be known until long after we have taken action. As Gandhi said,
“Whatever you do may seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it.”
From, the book “Coping with a Crisis: A Guide to Coping with What You Didn’t Want to Happen” by Gregg Krech (not yet published, expected in Summer, 2025)
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